Life as we know it
by minniemouse-xo
Summary: Life is about to change dramatically for Tom and Sam but will they both be okay with that? Maybe other people know you better than you know yourself. -Ethan is in this quite a lot but there is no option for Ethan


I sigh as I see the person staring back at me through the mirror. I don't see me anymore, I look different; my complexion ashen and like all of the life has been sucked out of me. I suppose that's what pregnancy does to you.

I don't know what to do anymore; I know I want to keep the baby but I'm scared stiff of telling Tom; I know he works with kids and he's probably the most paternal guy out there but I don't think we're ready for this yet, after everything that's happened with the diazepam and getting married I just think we needed to wait for a while at least, but obviously that's not going to happen.

'I don't need to tell him yet'

I've been telling myself that for the past two weeks. I think I'll just wait a few more until everything is final and there is no going back, maybe then he will just accept the fact I'm pregnant and we can look forward to the future. Although I have no doubt he's going to be happy about the fact he's going to be a Dad- I can't help but worry it is all too rushed.

I took Tom's hand as we walked through the entrance of the ED. It's quieter than usual; maybe this was 'the calm before the storm' as people say or maybe it would just be a nice peaceful day; we don't get many of them anymore. I saw Zoe walking through reception, she's been quite tense since Connie started 2 months ago but like everybody else who was shocked by her sudden arrival she soon got over the fact Connie was back and tried to be a civil as could be expected.

We had just got into our scrubs when Robyn burst through the staffroom door.

"There has been a RTC on the main junction into Holby, Zoe wants to speak to everyone; she's in cubicles"

"Okay, Thanks Robyn we'll be there in a second" Tom replied before smiling at her as she shut the door and left us alone once again.

"Are you okay?" Tom asked me as Robyn shut the door.

"Yeah, I'm fine; Just a got a bit of a headache" I told him and gave him a convincing smile to try and hide my real reasoning for my darkened mood.

"Okay, lets go out into the chaos then" He said with the cheeky grin on his face that I had fell in love with.

"Okay guys, as you had guessed this is a major RTC- so I need all hands on deck and no slacking. Right I need somebody to go to the scene?" Zoe said as quick as could be expected.

"I'll go" Tom replied with grinning at me; I suppose he thought I'd want to go but I really didn't. I elbowed him playfully in the ribs anyway- If he thought I'd wanted to go then he wouldn't suspect anything; not yet anyway because in a few months time I'm gonna have a hard time telling him I've swallowed a football.

"Great, thanks Tom, right so I want Connie with me and Ash in resus and Sam and Ethan in cubicles and Caleb in CDU" Zoe told us before everybody rushed off to their allocated spaces for the day.

"Love you" Tom said kissing me on the forehead as he followed Jeff and Dixie to the ambulance.

The patients never seemed to stop coming through, the ED was full to the brim and we had to start transferring people to St James'. I'd been puked on twice and sick myself a fair few times; I was hoping this morning sickness thing would stop sooner rather than later because It's becoming more and more obvious that I'm pregnant by the minute. I was just happy that Ethan had covered for me every time and hadn't even questioned me about my sudden need to go to the toilet every five minutes - he had shot me several looks of concern throughout the day but I just returned them with a reassuring smile and hoped he would leave it at that. I'm going to have to get better at hiding it before Tom actually figures out what is wrong with me.

My first break of the day was spent in the staffroom rubbing my temples and hoping for the best; I'd heard nothing of Tom as of yet so I gathered he must've still been at the scene. I knew Ethan would've followed me into the staffroom sooner rather than later, so when I seen him come through the door it wasn't that much of a surprise.

"What's going on Sam?" The question was very direct and straight to the point, maybe I should just tell him; he won't tell anyone will he?

"I'm Pregnant" The words seemed strange to say; I've said them before but I've never said that I was pregnant- they almost seemed foreign to say but it was the truth and I couldn't carry on lying any longer.

"And is that a good thing?" That question cut right into me; I wasn't actually sure myself. I'd thought about it a lot but I didn't actually know; maybe a baby is what we needed, I smiled to myself before answering "Yes" and it was a genuine answer. Baby Kent could be the start of something wonderful; something beautiful.

"Does Tom know yet?"

I shook my head softly hoping he'd get the message.

"Please don't tell him; not yet anyway. I want to tell him when the times right, I'm not really sure when that'll be yet" I said quietly as he sat next to me on the sofa.

"He won't hear anything from me, how far along are you?" He asked

"I'm not really sure; maybe a month or two" Now he had asked I didn't really know how far along I was- I'd have to tell Tom sooner than I had originally thought.

"Right" He said with a smile "You'll have to tell him soon" It was like he was reading my mind.

"I know, I'm just scared that it's all too soon and he'll be angry or something" I told him nervously. I wasn't exactly sure why I was telling him all of this; I'd never been somebody who expressed their feelings. I liked being emotionless and headstrong- I don't think I'm ready for all of this vulnerability.

"Why would he be angry?"

"I don't know" and that was the truth I didn't.

"Exactly, I think he's going to be ecstatic, he loves kids Sam, and he loves you okay so whatever you've conjured up in that head of yours it's all rubbish, he's going to be so happy" I didn't even realise I was crying until Ethan pulled me into a hug- he wasn't as mean as Caleb made him out to be, he is actually really sweet and I don't know what I would've done without him today.

"Thank you" I said quietly

"What for?"

"For making me see sense"

"We will have to get back out there now though before Zoe chops off our heads, are you okay to work?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine. Just give me a minute" I said smiling whilst he nodded and left me in peace.

'I'll tell him tonight' I told myself.

A month later and he still had no clue. Fear works in different ways, maybe I'm not scared that he won't want the baby- maybe I'm scared I won't.


End file.
